Easter: God’s New Life

John 20: 1-18

Roger Lynn

April 12, 2020

Easter Sunday

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She woke up feeling empty. It was Easter Sunday, but the Covid-19 crisis was still raging, and the Shelter-In-Place order was still in effect. The whole thing had left her feeling drained, and she felt as if there was no life left in her. She wasn’t really dead, of course – at least in the physical sense of that word. Her heart was still pumping blood through her veins, and breath was still flowing in and out of her lungs. But something important inside her had died, and she could no longer really count herself among the living. Yes, that was probably a bit dramatic, but it was how she felt.

How in heaven’s name had it come to this? Well, OK, she had to admit that whatever was going on had certainly not happened “in heaven’s name.” But how had it happened? Her thoughts drifted back over the past few weeks, then the past few months and years, and finally back over her entire life. And slowly it began to come clear. What was the phrase she had heard – the “little deaths” we experience in the course of our living. That is what this felt like – the little deaths of her life had been piling up until finally she found herself laying here feeling dead. 

As she reflected on this list of “little deaths” she became aware that she wasn’t feeling sorry for herself, and she wasn’t trying to blame anyone. They were just the things that happen in life – not just to her but to everyone. But this particular list had happened to her, and they had taken their toll on her spirit. Each time a little piece of her had died, there was that much less of her to carry on with the business of living. It wasn’t anything visible from the outside. Her family and friends would probably be surprised to discover that she was having this experience. She was a bit surprised herself. She had never thought about the need to deal with such things at the time. You just pick yourself up and go on with life. At least that’s what she had always told herself. But now what was she supposed to do? It felt like she had no life left to pick up.

And so she lay there and cataloged the journey which had led her to this moment – the history of her own personal little deaths. There had been the divorce, along with all the grief and turmoil that followed. And there were the actual deaths which had occurred – her parents; her friends who had been struck down by cancer, heart attack, and whatever else; her brother in that senseless car accident. And it wasn’t just the big events like divorce and death. It was the “little” things as well. The small betrayals which happened along the way, the physical challenges that came with getting older, her job that had become more burden than joy. And the list went on and on. Some things were “big” and some were “small,” but when combined together all these “little deaths” had drained the life out of her just as surely as if she’d actually died.

But then something surprising happened – an unexpected hint of light began to shine into her darkness. She suddenly remembered it was Easter, and she found herself pondering the story in John’s Gospel about Mary encountering Jesus at the tomb. As her mind wandered and pondered through that story, the light grew stronger. Even though this Easter didn’t feel like any that had gone before, with everyone stuck in their own homes watching the service on-line, it was still Easter. And the message of Easter was resurrection – God’s gift of new life! She had always believed God would give us new life. But now she realized that her understanding of resurrection had always been about what happens when we die. When our heart stops beating and our breathing ceases then God raises us to new life in heaven – whatever that means and whatever that looks like. But what if it meant something more? What if God’s gift of new life is also for the “little deaths” we experience while we are still breathing? What if resurrection isn’t just for later, but is also for right here and right now? What if she didn’t have to stay dead?

And that’s when the poem popped into her head. She couldn’t remember where or when she had heard it, but it certainly seemed to hold the message she needed to hear. 

I called through your door,

“The mystics are gathering 

in the street. Come out!”

“Leave me alone.

I’m sick.”

“I don’t care if you’re dead.

Jesus is here, and he wants

to resurrect somebody!”

– Rumi, a Sufi poet

What was it she had read in Robert Capon’s book? Something about there being only one condition attached to God’s gift of resurrection – it only works on dead people. To receive God’s gift of new life you simply have to admit you are dead. Well, she certainly felt like she qualified. And in that moment her darkness began to recede. It didn’t happen all at once. Indeed, there would be lots of times when it seemed painfully slow, but it did happen. She found more and more light filling her life. In some deep and significant way which she found difficult to describe, everything changed. She started seeing the world, and her life in the world, in a new way. Neither death at the end of life or the “little deaths” along the way were the final word. They were painful. Sometimes they were life-changing. But they no longer held the power to leave her life-less. How could she stay dead when the God of all life was all around her and, indeed, within her, surrounding her with such abundant and wonderful gifts. Instead of making lists of the “little deaths,” she started making lists of the gifts of light and life – family and friends, a world filled with beauty, a body which, though no longer 20, could still accomplish a great deal, the church where she could fellowship and worship and serve. And there was the gift she could not point to so easily, but could experience nonetheless – God’s Spirit of Life flowing through her just as surely as the blood in her veins. Death was still out there and she knew she would still experience it – in little ways every day and in the not-so-little way at the end of her days. But now she understood that God would not leave her dead – not now and not later. She could live with that. She found herself smiling as she climbed out of bed into the new day. “Jesus is here and he wants to resurrect somebody!”